Many relationships/marriages are suffering because one or both people in it have a hot temper. A hot temper is what makes you beat up, insult, shout at, fight with, attack, spit at, sneer at, destroy, slap, harm or even cheat on your spouse/partner in anger. A hot temper makes you bang the door, it chases away your spouse/partner because you are not peaceful to live with, it makes you a monster to your child/children and also causes you to make irrational decisions. Some have thrown away their spouse from home, kicked their spouse from bed, called for a divorce, regretfully asked for a break up, caused a public scene of shame, jumped into conclusions and acted foolishly, burnt and broken things, poured hot water or shot at or cut someone with a knife; all out of anger. Perhaps you are the angry one in your relationship/marriage pushing the one who wants to love you away. These are ways to help you deal with your anger...
1. Analyze what issues in your relationship/marriage trigger arguments. Is it finances, the pressure of parenthood, your own insecurities? Be aware of these things and talk about them with your spouse/partner when things are peaceful. Both of you agree on how to handle the matter. The problem with many couples is that they want to find solutions when the man and woman are at war. The best time to find solutions is in times of peace. Prevention is better than cure
2. Look deep inside you. How did you become so angry? Why are you shouting so much? Are you ignoring something that happened in your past that you haven't healed from? Are you scared of anything, do you have any fears?
3. Forgive yourself. Maybe you are angry at yourself for something you did. Maybe you are being hard on yourself
4. Get saved from yourself. Give your life to God. The Holy Spirit will give you peace beyond understanding
5. Stop being insecure and irrational. Calm down, know your worth and identity. You are a Queen, so act like one; you are a King, so act like one
6. Avoid alcohol and drugs, they cloud your judgment, lessen your self control and cause you to be loud and spoiling for a fight when easily provoked. Many have acted out of temper and blamed it on the alcohol
7. Step away when an argument is coming. Keep quiet, walk away, calm down then talk later
8. Learn to express yourself without shouting. You will be understood better. Stop trying to prove that you are right even when your spouse/partner is wrong
9. Avoid curse words: fuck you, bitch, whore, shit, bullshit. Curse words are ammunition; the more you are used to saying them, the easier it is to attack with them
10. Avoid noisy places and places that encourage reckless behaviour; like clubs. You two are grown now, you are building a family and a future, go to places of decent fun, places of peace where you can enjoy a good dance, intimate talks and make memories in peace. You are your environment
11. Kiss more, touch each other more, make love more. Sometimes we get angry just because our body has been deprived of some physical loving. Remember though that your spouse will not desire to make love and touch you if you are ever hostile. Be less angry and you will get more physical love; get more physical love and you will become less angry
12. Pray more, especially when you are angry. If you find it difficult to pray when angry, just read aloud God's word. Pick a random chapter and just read aloud
13. Worship the Lord more, you will become more peaceful. Play worship music in the house more
14. Praise your spouse/partner more than you criticize him/her. Stop looking at faults, focus on strengths and growth
15. Work on your facial expression and the tone of your voice. See and live out your beauty
16. Start your day right. Speak into your day, project positivity, start the day right with your spouse/partner: a loving message, a kiss, a cuddle, words of appreciation
17. Avoid friends who are rebellious, proud, hard headed and who will incite you to anger, revenge or domestic agitation
18. Change your work if your work is making you a frustrated and angry person. Take control of your life and well being. As adults, we spend the most of our awake time at work. If you hate your work, chances are, your frustration will manifest in anger to the person closest to you - your spouse/partner, don't bring your work issues at home
19. Do things that make you love yourself more. If you don't like the size of your body, work out. If you want to advance in life, go to school, make a move. The more you love yourself the easier you will make it for your spouse/partner to be with you
20. Avoid flirting and having an affair because such actions only cause you to become defensive and rattles up your spouse/partner leading to ugly confrontations. Keep the peace in your relationship/marriage
21. Remember that when your spouse/partner was wooing you, you were exciting and peaceful, not stressful. If you want to keep your him/her, be peaceful and exciting
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